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It warms my heart to think that after all these many years of blogging, that my fans are still writing to me . . . and in greater numbers than ever! I’m fully aware of the time and thought that goes into each and every one of these comments, which is why I feel obligated to respond in kind. Without fans such as these, life truly isn’t worth living.

I present, then, my fifth annual Fan Mail Appreciation Post.

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Why yes, you do have my permission to mumble dogface to the banana patch. Thanks for asking!

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Dear eddbdadccgbcfkkd,

While I see that you’re trying to compliment me, I can’t help but read between the lines. After searching on the theme, what you actually found was a minority of folks who disagree with my blog. This shall not stand, man. I will not rest until agreement with my blog is unanimous.

Charlie

I came to your Fan Mail – Charlie’s Blog page and noticed you could have a lot more traffic. I have found that the key to running a website is making sure the visitors you are getting are interested in your subject matter.

Spammers leaving spam on my post about spam. What a time to be alive!

Great post! Respect the author!

Damn straight respect the author!

At the beginning of 2017, to help me stick to my goals, I created a weekly todo list using the iOS Notes app and it looked something like this:

While I’ve created thousands of todo lists over the course of my todo-driven life, this was the first one I opened up for shared editing. At the behest of my daughter Sarah, who needed some help to stick to her own goals, we both contribute to this shared note on a weekly basis.

Does it work? Well, the answer to that is the ubiquitous: “it depends.” I think the idea of a shared note is (or was) that we could encourage each other to complete goals: especially stretch goals, such as “finishing cleaning the garage” or “buy groceries” or “get out of bed in the morning.”

What hasn’t failed is our ability to keep it up. We’re now two thirds of the way through our second year of doing this and we haven’t missed a week yet.

Sort of.

As you may have seen from my last two posts, I was a little preoccupied this year. (More on that next week.) As the day job gradually reduced my life to little more than a work-sleep-eat cycle, my weekly goals were reduced to:

  • Work
  • More Work
  • Even More Work

This went on for longer than I care to discuss until — at long last — the project ended. And with a renewed sense of purpose and hopeful outlook on life, I created a real todo list:

Not too long after I edited it, I got a text from Sarah along the lines of, “Wow! That’s a lot of goals!” To which I replied:

However, the astute reader may have noticed that list was dated August 6: about one month ago. Clearly the “Write a blog post” task didn’t happen and, by definition, neither did “check off every item on this list.” Let’s just say it took a while for me to mentally recover enough to do anything, let alone accomplish stretch goals like, “remember my WordPress password.”

Therefore “Write a blog post” has remained on the list every week since, as each week I continued toward the primary goal of “get my life back.” And now, as I press the Publish button on this post, I shall bask in the knowledge I can finally change the “Write a blog post” item to this:

See you kids back here next Friday.

Hello again and happy Fiday. I honestly neve thought I’d be away fom the blog this long, back in Januay when . . . hold on, thee’s something wong with my keyboad. Be ight back, my fiends.

.     .     .

Okay. Thanks for waiting. Apparently the “R” key isn’t working on my PC’s keyboard. I switched over to the laptop and we’re all good now.

Anyway, as I was saying, I never thought that my January 26, 2018 post would be my last post for months. Yet here we are. I’d hoped to call this post, “I’m back!” or, even better, actually have a topic to write about. Instead, I’m stringing together more words indicating that I am, in fact, still still alive.

It should come as no surprise to anyone who knows me that the main reason for my continued blogging absence is the day job. I’m working on something where I severely underestimated the amount of work I’d committed to doing while badly overestimating my abilities as a software developer. But such is life.

And that’s still the reason why this isn’t a definitive “I’m Back!” post, because this busy period will continue for the foreseeable future. So while I likely won’t post weekly, I also won’t disappear again. After all, I have so much to blog about! There’s the . . . uh . . . the one thing. And . . . um . . . some other thing. And I know there’s . . . uh . . . what was is again?

*sigh*

Clearly my identity crisis continues. I’m still trying to figure out my one thing.

Whelp, it’s about time to get to work. After that, I’ll figure out what I want to be when I grow up. And then, as soon as humanly possible after that, I’m going to order a new computer keyboard.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I haven’t posted lately
Because I’ve been so busy mostly with work and some other stuff and it’s left little time for anything else except sleeping and occasionally eating but that’s okay because hopefully it’s for a good cause or pays off in the end somehow though that doesn’t mean I’m not looking forward to getting a bit of a breather

And yes, that rhymes.

They say the largest investment the average person makes is in their home. Let’s face it, it’s a pretty expensive endeavor. It costs a lot to buy, it costs a lot to make payments on, and heck, it even costs a lot to get rid of. But money aside, it’s also where we keep all our stuff. The stuff we use every day, the stuff we use once a year, and the stuff we never use. We decorate the interiors and landscape the exteriors. A house is a huge thing.

So the way I look at it: if I’ve invested thousands of hours and hundreds of thousands of dollars into something this immense: why would I want to leave it? Seems reasonable that I would want to spend as much time as possible there. And did I mention it’s where I keep all my stuff?

For someone who doesn’t like to leave home, I sure did a lot of it in 2017. Almost to the point where I feel bad for people who do like to travel and don’t get the chance.

“Why don’t you like to travel?!” cried the whole wide world. “We don’t care how much it cost or how much stuff you have, you should leave your house once in a while like a normal person!”

Yeah, yeah. I get it. Many people aspire to travel and to “see the world” so to speak. For me, travel just brings general discomfort. It’s a lot of moving around. And having to meet timetables. And uncertainty. It comes with mild but noticeable anxiety triggers. And living out of a suitcase. Plus, much like a house, it’s expensive. So you can see how someone who likes their house and likes to not spend money might have an issue with something that’s the complete opposite of all those things.

Fortunately, once I’ve arrived and I’m not moving around or packing or thinking about money or where I have to be next, I will admit I can enjoy myself while on the road. And there’s some merit to seeing things and experiencing things first hand. There’s only so much the big LCD rectangle in the living room can convey.

But maybe the best part of traveling is it gives me something to write about. Now, I won’t go so far as to call this a plan, but look for a number of travel-related posts this year. Posts that I will write from the comfort of my own home. Ahhh…

I’ve been sick again this past week. I say “again” as if it’s been happening a lot lately. But once around this time last year and then again now is a lot lately to me. I’d be fine just doing this once every five years. Or less.

Funny Story

This week’s blog post (if you can call it that) falls under the “best laid plans” category.

In my New Year’s Post (which, uh, sadly is the post immediately prior to this one) I said I wasn’t going to announce any goals because the act of telling people about one’s goals makes one less likely to achieve them. Besides, every time I announce a set of goals, everything goes off the rails anyway and invariably I look back on the original starry-eyed post and just get sad at myself.

The funny part is that last Friday I had a nearly-ready-to-go post in which, in clear violation of my just-established rules, I announced my blogging plans for the next couple months. Keep in mind, I wrote this on Thursday. On Friday morning, I had to get to work early and never got around to posting it, let alone finishing it. That might’ve been a record for an “announced” set of plans to go haywire.

The following week, which just happens to be today, I’d planned to not post, because I wasn’t going to be around. Except that I got sick and all my plans changed. I couldn’t go two weeks in a row in silence, so here are some words. 🙂

Every Good Post Deserves Content

I can’t just leave the post there. I have to deliver some sort of solid, original content, whatever my current situation or “plans” are. So . . . let’s see.

I could maybe dig up an excerpt of some work in progress.

Or I could get a jump start on my upcoming blog posts.

Or (checks the clock) do something really quick since I’m out of time. A poem it is!

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Leave me a comment
Cuz I have the flu

Around this time each year, like many people, I make a list of the things I want to accomplish and/or just plain change about myself. Feel free to look at my first-of-the-year posts going back ten full years now. Seriously, I’ve been doing this over ten years now. I can’t explain that.

The good thing about New Year’s Resolutions is that you don’t have to wait until January First to make them. If you miss out at the start of the Gregorian calendar, you still have many other opportunities throughout the year. The Chinese New Year is February 16 this year. There are at least half a dozen new years that begin in March, generally coinciding with the start of spring. Even more in April. And if you miss any of them, you’ll find many more new year celebrations scattered between September and December.

But why wait for a holiday? A “year” can be any arbitrary date. Think of all the birthdays and anniversaries. When you’re ready to make a list of things to accomplish and/or just plain change about yourself, pick a day. Any day.

Me, I’m keeping it traditional this year and went with January First. So here, without further rambling, is my list of goals for 2018:

  • I’m not telling you my goals
  • So there’s no need to try reading this
  • Even though you can just highlight the text to see it
  • Unless you’re reading this off-site
  • And then you’re probably wondering what’s going on
  • Because you’re not seeing black text on a black background

As you can see, I’m not sharing my goals and here’s my reasoning. Let’s take a look back through this blog for references to me just-released memoir on writing and cancer.

  • February 5, 2016: The plan, in September 2016, this blogger publishes his “cancer book.” Yep, for real.
  • July 29, 2016: At one point, I’d hoped to have this published in September. Well, that’s only a little more than a month away now, so I don’t think that’ll happen. October maybe? November? We’ll see.
  • August 5, 2016: Last week I posted an excerpt from my still-yet-unnamed and hopefully-soon-to-be-completed “cancer” book.
  • October 28, 2016: The [September] release timing didn’t feel right, and I wanted to hold it until my five-year anniversary, next April.
  • January 6, 2017: It’s about 95% complete. Look for it in . . . April?
  • March 3, 2017: If all goes well, the book can be published . . . next month some time.

That’s probably enough to illustrate my point. Setting goals and announcing them and making all of these “promises” is rather pointless. It doesn’t make me any more motivated and it just strings everyone else along.

In fact, there’s evidence it may even make me less motivated. Back in 2010, Derek Sivers gave a TED talk which can be summed up in a single quote:

Telling someone your goals makes them less likely to happen.

In short, the act of simply telling someone a goal gives your brain the same sense of accomplishment as achieving the goal. With the mental checkbox now checked, the goal loses importance. He “presents research stretching as far back as the 1920s” as evidence.

Hey, I’m all about the science. And if science is telling me to keep my New Year’s Resolutions to myself, then by golly, that’s just what I’m going to do. So tune in next year when I’ll tell you all about how I succeeded throughout 2018 in losing weight, recording some music, writing a novel, fixing up the new house, and . . . aw, crap. Scratch all that.

I’m happy proud relieved to announce my latest book, Nope. No Excuse At All is done, finished, completed, and at last ready for the world.

Long-time blog readers know I’ve been working on this for a while. In fact, let’s just rewind my time tracking software back to April 13, 2014 and take a look. I spent about forty-two minutes on it that first day and here’s what I logged:

Playing with the idea for a cover, just as inspiration to keep going.

Yep, before I wrote a single word, I mocked up a cover. I then did some actual work and logged this:

I started “writing” last week, but I’m going to rewrite that first paragraph now and then call it a day. Oh well, it’s a start. And I WILL finish this book this year. In fact, in time for the holidays.

Ha ha ha! Oh, that’s good. Finished in time for the holidays three years ago.

Suffice it to say, that didn’t happen. In fact, I spent less than two hours working on it that first year. It wasn’t until March of 2015 that I really buckled down. At that point, I (again) assumed it would be ready in time for the holidays that year, but nope. Nor again in 2016.

But here we are, with just a couple days left in 2017, and it’s finally ready! And for anyone who likes numbers, here’s the amount of time I spent working on it, by year:

Year Time
2014 01:42:35
2015 72:46:46
2016 42:56:24
2017 218:05:50
Total 335:31:35

It feels like a lot of time. Especially as it dragged out over the years. But to put it in perspective, I easily spend around 200 hours a year just sitting in my car between work and home. And to really put it in perspective, I spent 1,420 hours over this same period on the house move. And, technically speaking, the house move still isn’t completed. 🙂

For the die hard number nerds, here’s that time broken down by activity:

Activity Time Pct
Writing 103:37:47 30.89%
Scribophiling 81:59:20 24.44%
Revising and Proofing 75:13:48 22.42%
Layout and Design 49:35:51 14.78%
Research and Development 09:06:39 2.72%
Publishing 07:30:37 2.24%
Admin 05:36:18 1.67%
Web Development 01:49:28 0.54%
Accounting 00:37:13 0.18%
Marketing 00:24:34 0.12%

But enough mindless banter. So without any further ado, here are two Amazon links for your convenience:

Hope you enjoy it!

’Twas three days before Christmas and here at my blog
I sat thinking and staring, my brain in a fog.
“I need to write something,” I stated aloud.
“Last week I wrote nothing!” (Of this I’m not proud.)

I checked all my drafts, and my papers, and notes.
I flipped through my stash of off-hand anecdotes.
But nothing turned up, nothing worthy of praise.
And so I sat on, my mind in a haze.

“I could post a re-run,” I thought to myself.
I have a large store on my virtual shelf.
No one will know! No foul will be called!
No readers will leave, annoyed or appalled.

But no, that’s not me. I’m not here to skate by.
I can’t quit or be lazy or not even try.
I must pen for my fans, I owe them that much.
And show them all how I can write in a clutch!

Whipping out paper, eraser, and pen,
I quickly thought about where to begin.
It has to be good, it has to be witty.
It surely can’t be something stupid or . . . bad.

So I scribbled and scrubbled, my pen it did fly.
The words fell like a torrent of rain from the sky.
It flowed and it moved, I wrote ream after ream.
“Why this even beats Ralphie’s Christmas school theme!”

But just as I got to my perfect The End.
I had second thoughts about what I should send.
It shouldn’t be grand, it shouldn’t be huge.
Like more Tiny Tim and not as much Scrooge.

So I grabbed my red pen and with ravenous edits
I cut it way down (much to my own credit).
And so, here it is, to help all spirits soar.
“Happy Christmas to all! And next week I’ll post more!”

When I first started this blog and decided that I would post every Friday, I was under the impression that there were seven days between each Friday. I’ve since come to discover that no, there are not seven days in a week. It’s more like three. The week goes like this:

  • Day 1: Friday
  • Day 2: Weekend
  • Day 3: Tuesday

And then it starts over again. I can’t seem to account for any more time than that.

Most of this time lately has been spent at work. You know, big project, lots of stress, and the usual. I’ve been trying to squeeze in some minutes here and there finishing up the memoir. You know, that book that I’ve been saying will be ready “soon” since fall of 2016. I’m running out of time, though, since I carved “2017” into stone as the publishing date. (Yes, the second page of the book is made out of granite. All the fancy books do that.)

Then there’s Christmas to get ready for, which is bearing down on us hard already. To make matters worse, I’m out of town every weekend in December. If you haven’t guessed by now, there’s only one thing on my Christmas Wish List:

  • Time

I hope I get it.

And in case you’re wondering about the blog post title, that’s the amount of time I allowed myself this morning to write it. It was an experiment, and I said I’d stop as soon as the ti