My recent post on travel phrases, and French in particular, wasn’t out of the blue. As Chandler Bing might say, it was smack dab in the middle of the blue. I’ve been learning the language a bit over the past few weeks. Or, I should say, re-learning.

Back in seventh grade, we were all given the opportunity to start learning a foreign language. Three were offered: French, Spanish, and Klingon. I hadn’t really started watching Star Trek yet, at the time, but I still knew that Klingon might come in handy. Spanish was recommended by many, since there was a higher chance of actually using it in an actual United States situation. But French? I can’t explain it, but it really just called out to me. Maybe it was my Northwestern Europe DNA reaching out to me again.

So I took it for two years. My primary memory was an exchange one day after class between me and my teacher.

Me: I know how to say grape in French!
Her: Good! How do you say it?
Me: “Grape in French”
Her: Yes, how do you say it.
Me: “Grape in French”
Her: [facepalms]

Yes, I’ve always been annoying. I’m going to blame genetics on that too. Because it’s definitely not my fault.

In high school, I tested out of French I and took French II through V for the next four years. I learned a lot about the language. I learned syntax, and grammar, and idiomatic expressions. I learned the rules, I learned the exceptions. In fact, I learned just about everything there was to know except for one small problem: how to speak it.

I did not take any more formal classes after high school. And it wasn’t until nearly seven years later or so that I got my first real opportunity to use it again. I worked in the International Operations area of my company and regularly came into contact with people all over the world. Communicating with them was just part of my job. But for the people in France, it was an opportunity to correspond in French. Except for one small problem: how to speak it.

But that problem was easily solved using this cool new invention: email. I couldn’t rattle off a French phrase in person. But I could get 40% there on my own, then use my French books to help finish the rest. (And yes, they were books. Made out of paper and everything. The internet hadn’t quite come together yet at this point in time.)

Years later, I took a couple evening adult classes to help refresh my memory and maybe learn some more. But to be honest? There’s only one way to truly learn a language. Traditionally, this has been immersion. But ain’t nobody got time for that. What I do have time for, though, is YouTube. What better way to immerse myself in a language than by watching five hundred thousand videos containing, “Excuzes-moi, monsieur! Où est la bibliothèque?”

Just kidding: there’s actually some pretty good materials out there. So I listen to them in the car and from time to time when I go for walks. And just yesterday it hit me: I can understand French. Like, not just listen to something and translate it in my head:

“Où” . . . uhh, okay, that means “where”
“est” . . . est, is uh, oh! that’s “is”
“la” … pssh easy! “the!”
“bibliothèque” . . . um, oh, I know this . . . library!

And then a minute and a half later, I realize my friend, who has long walked off to ask someone else, wanted to find the library. No, I hear it and understand it instantly without going through English first. That’s like, a big deal.

So why can’t I “speak” French? And why do some (well, many) conversations still confound me? Well, in a word: vocabulary. The syntax, grammar, idioms, rules, and exceptions are all there in my head. It’s solid. But there are upwards of 130,000 words in the French language. The average adult speaker requires some 30,000 of them to function on a daily basis. I probably know maybe 3,000 words — tops. Which means, although I’m on the right track, a good ninety percent of daily conversations are still over my head.

But I have a solution! I am going to learn all the words. I have YouTube. I have my headphones. I know they’re out there. My plan is to simply learn one thousand new words each day, and in a month I should be set. It’s fool-proof!

And today begins with the French word for “grape.”