When I worked at a Korean-based company, I took it upon myself to learn a little bit about the language. I’ve always been fascinated by linguistics. Thinking back on my language career, here are some of the highlights:

• Working on my own conlangs for my fiction
• Picking up some Latin and Greek in high school while studying etymology
• Starting on French in junior high
• And becoming fluent in English at a very young age

I had (quite wrongly) assumed that Korean was another logographic language and that I’d never be able to learn thousands of unique and complex symbols. But one day I picked up a short book about Hangul and realized it was an alphabet. An alphabet! I could learn that! And so I did.

But what I had trouble with is what linguistic experts call “everything else.” This included grammar, vocabulary, verb conjugations, and the most important thing of all, asking for “two beers please.” Granted, I didn’t try very hard. Mostly because I knew it would require a time commitment I just didn’t have. There was a lot of real work to be done punctuated with naps that had to be taken.

Anyway, one day, an English/Korean travel phrasebook appeared in our midst. It contained, for the most part, the usual travel phrases (“Where is the train station?” or “How much does this cost?” or “Who shaved my head last night?”) But it also went above and beyond by supplying a few irreverent phrases: even pickup lines. I read aloud a few Korean phrases, haltingly, while a fluent coworker laughed until she nearly cried. Some of it, for sure, was my pronunciation, but I admit I did go for the more absurd phrases in the book.

But a particular thought struck me at the time. And it struck me again just this past week or two. You see, I began listening to some French videos on YouTube: a number of which also contain helpful travel phrases. My issue? Well, it’s pretty simple. Travel phrases are completely useless. Like, what’s the point of learning a particular phrase if you have NO chance whatsoever of understanding the response?

Think about it: if I blindly memorized the phrase for “I lost my passport,” what good will it do me if the person understands me and replies, “Je suis vraiment désolé. Vous devrez vous rendre à l’ambassade ou au consulat des États-Unis pour obtenir de l’aide. Montez cette route sur deux kilomètres, tournez à droite, passez devant l’endroit où ils ont détruit le McDonald’s, tournez à gauche, puis trois blocs plus loin sur votre gauche.”

If you’re not prepared to grok the response, then there’s really no point in asking the question.

Fortunately, if I ever find myself in this situation, I have a fool-proof plan. I will ask my question in English, and then hand the person my phone which has been pre-loaded with Let Me Google That For You. If you’re wondering why I don’t just Google it myself, the answer is easy: where’s the fun in that? 🙂